In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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