it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
