Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
