Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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