508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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