Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
