Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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