Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
