nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
