Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
