The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
