How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
