She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
