I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
