HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It's rum buckets o'clock
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
