i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
