tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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