Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
