youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
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