I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
