she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize