I feel like abortions should bother me more
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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