I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
