I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
These tits shall not be calmed
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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