I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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