My first STD was from a foam party
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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