I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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