This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
