IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
