Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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