ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Randomize
