and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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