I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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