i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
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