It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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