Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
