no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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