How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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