I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I would fuck him just for his dog
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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