who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You had me at "let me see your balls"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
