you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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