It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
