He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
