I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
