Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize