I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
