I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
