After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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