i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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