do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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