I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
