My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize