you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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