I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My life is pants optional.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
