My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I need water and some morals
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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