All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
