I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
