there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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