so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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