I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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