i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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