I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
