well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
