I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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