The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
