im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
