i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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