I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
