There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
