plz talk dirty to me
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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