it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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