brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
