At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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