omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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