I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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