he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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