I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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